When was the last time you invited a group of your kid’s friends over, just to hang out?

If your honest answer is “I can’t remember”, you’re not alone. Hosting can feel like a lot. What will they eat? How much supervision is too much, or not enough? What happens when the phones come out, someone gets left out, or it’s 11pm and nobody’s asleep?

But here’s what’s on the other side of the chaos. When friends come over, our kids get to negotiate, compromise, work through disagreements and simply enjoy each other’s company. They’re building friendship skills in real time, and we’re making the kind of memories they’ll hold on to for years.

The good news is that hosting doesn’t have to be stressful. A little preparation can do most of the heavy lifting. Here’s my step-by-step guide to help your house become the one kids love coming to.

Start with the grown-ups

Good hosting begins before anyone arrives. Talk to parents and understand who will be in your house and what their needs are.

Ask about allergies, dietary requirements, medical needs, supervision expectations and anything that might help their kids feel comfortable.

If kids are staying overnight, make sure everyone knows the sleeping arrangements. This isn’t about turning a fun afternoon into a formal event. It’s about making sure children are well cared for and parents know what to expect.

Set the tone in the first ten minutes

As soon as the kids come in gather the kids together and set the tone. This is about giving everyone a sense of safety for everyone.  I’ve only got two rules – Have a good time. We roll respectfully. The aim is to give young people freedom within a safe framework.

Explain your technology policy upfront. You might say, “I’ve talked to your parents, and this is what we’ve agreed on.” Research from the University of Amsterdam found teens’ rule-breaking is highly sensitive to ambiguity and peer influence.

The clearer the expectation, the less there is to test. Please also make it clear they can contact their parents anytime, no questions asked.

Other ideas:

• Have a small fridge or snack station with drinks and food. Let everyone know what they can help themselves to, even late at night. Nobody has to ask permission, which takes the pressure off shy guests.
• Create a menu breakfast tick-box. Let kids choose between a few options – pancakes, cereal, eggs. This says, I want to get to know you. Every child gets a say from the start.

Help groups find their groove

Not every group immediately clicks, especially when children have different personalities, interests or energy levels.

If a group is struggling to settle, brainstorm activities together in three categories: high, medium and low energy.

• High-energy activities might include swimming, backyard games or a dance challenge.
• Medium-energy activities could include building a cubby house or board games.
• Low-energy options might include by solo activities like drawing, craft or watching a movie.

I like to put a list of at least ten ideas on the fridge for kids to refer to across the day and night. A visible activity list means that no one has to be the one asking “what do we do now?”  Bored or unsettled groups are where teasing and exclusion tend to creep in.

How you close matters

Plan one late-night finale activity, like a walk at 11pm followed by showers. Finish with a bang, then a settle-down activity and lights out.

While sleepovers often don’t equate to any sleep, some kids really need and want their sleep. Inadequate sleep can affect mood, emotional regulation and the ability to manage social frustrations.  It is worth setting aside one room that kids could do to sleep in or have some quiet alone time if they wanted to.

Then, they can then remove themselves at any time at actually go to sleep while the others kick on!  Not every child has the same social battery. Some need time alone to recharge, and others simply get tired earlier. Giving them permission to step away is an important part of making everyone feel welcome.

Notice the little things about every child

Try to remember one little thing about each kid, like whether they want lettuce on their sandwich. Sometimes the smallest details make the biggest difference. And please learn every kid’s name.

Feeling known by an adult is part of what makes a space feel safe, and kids who feel safe are more likely to speak up if something goes wrong.

Research into school belonging and supportive relationships suggests that feeling known, valued and included is associated with better wellbeing. That sense of belonging shouldn’t stop at the school gate. This makes us adults who make a difference in kid’s lives.

Don’t panic when there’s tension

Put a group of kids together for long enough and there will probably be some tension. That’s not necessarily a sign the gathering has gone badly. I like to normalise this upfront  by saying, Disagreements are normal, and what matters is coming back together afterwards to rebuild trust.

Here’s some things to support the coming back together:

• Offer yourself as a resource. “If you need a neutral third party, I’m here to help.”
• Have one shared task pre-organised to help kids re-set. Cooking and eating together works well. Have pizza ingredients organised, let them roll sushi or decorate cupcakes.

Don’t be afraid to join in

Don’t be afraid to actually play WITH them. This might be the key to a great experience at your house. The American Academy of Pediatrics describes play with parents and peers as essential for building social-emotional skills, self-regulation and the safe, nurturing relationships kids need to thrive. Shoot a few hoops.Join the card game. Be willing to look a little ridiculous if it helps. At least you’ll be memorable!

Young people need opportunities to be independent of adults, but that doesn’t mean they can’t enjoy your company too.

The bottom line: the best hosts aren’t the ones with the fanciest setup. They are the ones who take the time to know who is in their house, have clear expectations and stay close.

The Australian Institute of Health and Welfare also analysed HILDA data. Its report found that 15–24-year-olds experienced the largest relative decline in frequency of social contact between 2001 and 2021, although they continued to socialise more frequently than older age groups.

Read the AIHW report: Social isolation, loneliness and wellbeing