Only about 70% of parents say their kids do chores. This means 30% of us are doing it all ourselves. If it feels hard to get kids involved at home, that’s because… it absolutely is. They have a different set of priorities than we do. So, why even bother?

The research says chores aren’t just about clean floors. They are about growing capable, caring humans. If you want something more convincing, here are two research papers that give us some pretty impressive evidence.  

A study published in the Journal of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics followed nearly 10,000 children from kindergarten to third grade. It found that children who engaged in chores early on demonstrated higher academic performance, better peer relationships, and greater life satisfaction.

Additionally, the Harvard Grant Study, an 85-year longitudinal research project (the longest in history), tells us that participating in chores during childhood is a significant predictor of professional success and happiness in adulthood. This involvement fosters self-worth, confidence, work ethic and empathy. It enhances brain function and prepares children for future challenges.

Here are my best tips for getting kids to pitch in:

Words matter.
Swap out “chores” or “jobs” for something more inviting – like “pitching in,” “being part of the team,” or “getting stuff done together.”  Use we words. This is about being part of a family, not ticking off a to-do list. Also take note of the gender aspect, it’s not “mums” job. Chores are life skills. Regardless of gender, everyone needs to know how to take care of themselves. The earlier we normalise this, the more we shape a generation that values fairness, teamwork, and respect in every space they step into.

Please don’t pay them.
Our kids need to know they belong to a system that relies on their contribution. That’s why I’m a big no on paying kids for chores. I’d rather give them an allowance which comes with other responsibilities or conditions other than vacuuming. Families are teams, not employees.

Chores should focus on age-appropriate strengths.
Give them some choice in what they do. Two things you can ask:

• What jobs do you think would make the biggest difference to our team this week?
• Which chores do you feel are life skills you’d like to learn next?

Match tasks to their age, strengths and interests. Here are some ideas that might spark your thoughts, but I’m sure your tween or teen will have some ideas of their own!

Ages 9–12 (Tweens)

• Wash dishes
• Mow the lawn
• Clean bathrooms
• Prepare simple meals
• Supervise younger

Ages 13–18 (Teens)

• Do laundry independently
• Grocery shopping
• Cook full meals
• Deep-clean rooms
• Manage personal finances

Lower your expectations
Let’s be honest, kids won’t be thrilled by a sparkling bathtub the way you are, and they will never clean a saucepan the way you will. That’s okay. We’re raising contributors, not perfectionists. It takes patience to not redo the folding when it’s not up to our standard, but try to notice and praise the effort, not the result.

Music on, everyone in
Sometimes the best way to get things done is to make it fast and fun. Set a timer and put on a song. For five minutes, everyone pitches in with no excuses or negotiations and gets as much done as they can. It turns chores into a team challenge, not a punishment. Kids are more likely to join in when the finish line is clear, and the energy is high. Bonus points for dance moves while wiping benches. Additional idea: You can also use this same idea for a kid who is doing a chore solo.

Get started, together
Some of my best conversations with my kids have happened while folding towels or washing the car together. If we can think of chores as an opportunity to connect with our kids, we start seeing them as moments where connection can grow quietly alongside responsibility. Sometimes they only need you to get them started, and then they are good to go.  

Break a bigger chore into bite sized chunks
“Clean your room” sounds like a single job to us, but in reality, it’s twenty jobs in disguise. To help we need to break it down by saying, “Pick up all the dirty clothes and come back to me.” Then, “Collect the cups. Come back again.”  One instruction at a time can feel way less overwhelming. You can also pop the twenty small jobs on a written list if you kids is better at processing no verbal language.

Work first play later
Saying, “No tech until jobs are done” often leads to kids racing through their chores at lightning speed, quality optional. A better approach might be. “If your jobs aren’t done today, tech time tomorrow will start an hour later.” This builds a delayed consequence rather than an immediate rush, helping them learn that effort comes before reward without turning every task into a race to the screen.

Share the mental load
Let’s also name something that doesn’t get talked about enough, mess can feel emotionally overwhelming particularly for women who tend to carry the mental load. It’s not just about the stuff on the floor but what it represents. Clutter can quietly tap on deeper feelings of failure, invisibility, or not ever being in control of life. Many women talk to me about walking to a messy room and feeling their chest tighten, not because of the socks on the ground, but because they are already carrying so much. Chores are a way to clearly say, “It’s not mum’s job to make sure this house functions smoothly.”

Teach load bearing 
Let’s sidestep to the left a little to talk about load bearing and why that is slightly different than just doing our fair share. There will be times when someone is sick, stressed, or too tired to do a chore. This is a great opportunity for someone else in the family to “load bear” for that person. For example, an adolescent might be doing exams, and a parent might load bear for the teen by taking the bin out. A teenager might load bear for an adolescent parent by cooking dinner one night. It’s about more than pitching in – it’s about tuning in. This models teamwork and flexibility, but also the quiet power of noticing when someone needs a little more than usual.

Outsource them
Kids often work harder for anyone else but us. Take advantage of that. Let grandparents, aunties, neighbours, or even a friend’s house be the place they learn to vacuum like a pro. You can even kid-swap with a friend!  If you do want to pay them for doing chores this is the method I would recommend. It allows someone else to be the ‘quality control’ other than you!

I want to acknowledge that getting kids to pitch in takes time, consistency, and a deep breath or three. But we aren’t just creating cleaner kitchens or emptier laundry baskets. We are raising future flatmates, partners, and colleagues. When we teach kids how to contribute at home, we teach them that they matter, that their effort counts, and that they’re part of something bigger than themselves. We don’t need perfection.

We need participation. Because the real win isn’t a spotless house. It’s raising someone who sees what needs doing, and cares enough to do it. And that, more than any perfectly folded towel, is what lasts.