Christmas is an expensive time of year. Our kids might have expectations of an abundance of gifts, but if budgets are tight, there is only so far they can stretch. One challenge we face as parents is how much kids compare what they receive for Christmas with their friends. While we can’t eradicate comparisons, a little understanding might help us work with them more wisely.

Here’s some insights…

Comparisons have a lot to do with the rewards centre of our kid’s brains. From about 9 and up, it is very active. It’s always seeking things that make them feel good – which give them a hit of dopamine. Gifts obviously make them feel good, but if a gift is cool in their friends’ eyes, it feels doubly good! That’s why they are particularly noticing who has what, and whether they perceive themselves to be better than or less than others.

Because their reward centre is not yet balanced by a fully developed, logical-thinking brain, our kids don’t have a great deal of control over this desire for status rewards. In time, they will be able to assess the importance, helpfulness, and necessity of a reward – and decide if it is worth acting on. They will realise that we don’t find our worth in material things, as individuals or as a family, so we can’t look to them to hold us up in life. They might give us a temporary boost but they don’t sustain us.

This is what I want parents to know. No matter how many gifts your kids get, their reward centre will never say, “I’ve had enough now… you can stop spending money.” It is a bottomless pit and doesn’t care about your credit card. The really good news is that we can satisfy the reward centre with more than material gifts that give kids a hit of dopamine.

It takes effort and time to construct a connected Christmas. Perhaps more effort than an extravagant one! However, the oxytocin and serotonin released when we experience meaningful moments together make our brains go ‘zing’ in a more lasting and stable way. My Christmas challenge to you is how can you work connection into Christmas Day, and in doing so perhaps lessen the drive that your kids will have to compare?