When the social media delay for under-16s begins, many parents will be tempted to lead with one word, “It’s illegal”. However, in my three decades of work with teenagers, I’ve never found using the word “illegal” very effective. What feels like a weighty threat to adults can feel theatrical to teens, and more like a dare than a boundary.

This delay is not a punishment because our kids have done something wrong. It’s a national step towards safe online spaces for young people. How we frame this message within our homes really matters.

While the government tackles tech giants, it’s parents’ job is to make sure their connection with their teenager stays stronger than even. Lean into words like wellbeing, safety, agreements, contracts and trust.

As one parent told me, “My 14-year-old is terrified of losing the only way she knows to stay connected. It’s not so much her immediate friends she’s worried about losing, but her wider community. That matters to them. It’s the boy they have a crush on, and the friends that they feel surround them. I know I need to be steady for her while she works through that fear.”

There is no tidy version of a change this big.

Most parents of tweens are resoundingly grateful. Parents of 14 year olds are likely to have mixed feelings. On one hand they know their kids are spending way too much time on socials, and on the other hand, they know it’s the only world their kids have ever known. Another mum explained it like this, “She’s not interested in getting her friend’s phone number. They don’t communicate like that.”

I know parents are also worried about their teens finding workarounds. The truth is some will. And troublesome online behaviour will likely shift to other platforms and emerging spaces. It won’t go away. That’s why relationship matters more than ever. Our teenagers need both boundaries and a safe place to land when they get it wrong. While the delay may help, the real safety net is still us. The responsibility for our kid’s wellbeing sits in our home, not in Canberra.

My Top Five Trust-Building Strategies:

1. Eliminate the word “illegal”

Don’t rely on the law to do the talking. Use language that protects their mental health and safety. Teens respond far better to authenticity and values than fear.

2. Talk about the real risks, not just the rules.

A clear “why” will help anchor this transition. Name the dangers clearly. Teens themselves are already tired of addictive algorithms, mindless scrolling, superficial relationships, predatory content, comparison culture and online bullying.

3. Update your family tech agreement together

Teenagers regular platforms may be gone, but messaging apps, gaming chats and group texts will still be very active — and they’ll likely to become your teen’s new social hubs. My personal greatest concern is artificial intelligence, and this could easily become an overlooked space.

4. Acknowledge how hard change is

It will be genuinely hard for many kids. It is our job to be there for the fall. Think “replacement”. Plan things that are good for their soul, time with family and close friends. Remember too, that their fears aren’t our fears. Their world is about the shrink, and while we may welcome that, we can’t underestimate how greatly it will dislodge them.

5. Keep relationship your focus

The most powerful tool you have isn’t the law. It’s the connection you build through consistent, caring, courageous conversations. Plan lots of short check-ins. If they do find workarounds (and shock, horror many will), or new apps pop up to replace those which have been banned, you want to be the person who is intuitive enough to be at the centre of it all. You want to be the person they turn to, not the person they hide from.

You may find this Talking Tech with tweens and teens webinar helpful.