I want to share some important statistics with you. 

Most studies report the average age of first exposure to pornography is between 11 and 13. In Australia, eSafety Commissioner (2021) found that around 28% of children aged 9–12 had seen sexual content online, and almost half of them had seen it more than once.

Similarly, a British Board of Film Classification (BBFC) study (2021) found 62% of children who saw pornography before age 13 did not actively seek it out. Other studies, for example, Cybersafe Kids in Ireland (2022) show exposure can begin as early as 8 years old, particularly through accidental exposure. Not surprisingly, up to 60% of first-time exposure is unintentional, often occurring through pop-ups, misdirected searches, or links shared by peers.

My conclusion – It’s not if they see it, but what they do when they see it that will make all the difference.That’s what I tell parents at every chance I get.

When children can come forward during times of uncertainty or trouble, they know they have a safe place to land and learn. That alternative is not great. Many children bury themselves in shame when they have these experiences. They may be concerned they will get into “big” trouble or not be fully understood by the adults in their world.

I want our kids to know that no matter how they arrived at an unsafe place, there are always safe people to turn to for help. The most precious thing about our kids and teens age group is that they often willingly accept guidance once they find a safe space.

Three Things Every Trusted Adults Can Do:

1. Start the Conversation Before There’s a Crisis
Most exposure to pornography happens via portable devices like smartphones and tablets. These tools can be filtered and restricted, but no system is perfect. The longer the time spent online—and especially in private spaces like bedrooms and bathrooms—the greater the risk. Introducing the boundaries is important, but talking about why those boundaries exist is even more powerful. Try saying something like, “Nothing I do to protect you will ever be 100% foolproof. That’s why our conversations matter. If I’m ever worried, I’ll ask—and if you ever see something that makes you uncomfortable, confused, or unsafe, please tell me. You’ll never be in trouble for coming to me.

2. Make a Plan Together
All kids feel more confident when they know what to do if something goes wrong. A plan gives them power, and that is one reason why technology contracts are empowering for our kids. They should include: Who can they talk to if they feel uncomfortable or unsafe? What steps can they take in the moment—like closing a tab, walking away, or telling a trusted adult? This preparation will help them move from freeze or shame into calm, considered action. Most importantly, it reminds them they’re never alone in figuring it out.

3. Be a Calm First Responder
Early exposure to pornography can leave kids feeling confused, anxious, ashamed, and unsure about what it all means. How we respond in those moments matters. If your child comes to you with something confronting, pause before reacting. Take a breath. Ask questions gently. Your calm response tells them: “I’m someone you can come to—even with the hard stuff.” Instead of reacting with panic or punishment, focus on understanding what they saw, how they felt, and what they need now. This helps them process the experience in a safe, grounded way—and makes it far more likely they’ll come to you again in the future. Some kids do feel very traumatised, so if you need professional help, seek it.

Education for Tweens

In closing I thought I’d share a page from my book “Where Babies Come From? and other questions 8 – 12 year olds ask”. It offers adds a light-hearted, by pointed message for kids. They are the ones who should be annoyed about the invasion of their privacy, and there are safer people and places for them to channel their curiosity.