How do you start a difficult conversation with a teacher? Here are four thoughtful openers you can use to set a positive tone and gently invite connection and collaboration. They also give you a moment to build trust before moving into the part of the conversation that might feel a
After offering a Year 6 cohort of 70 students the opportunity to come and speak to me if they were experiencing anything unsafe online, approximately 25 kids lined up. Each child was prepared to skip a portion of their lunch break to speak privately with me. Out of 25 students,
An Australian first study, headlines that 46.5% of 11 – 13 year olds are living with a chronic disease or developmental condition. The report surveyed 5000 adolescence and looked at asthma, fatigue viruses all the way through to mental health, and how lifestyle factors are impacting our kids. The suggested
The brilliance of the series Adolescence lies in this central idea: “This could happen to any family.” That premise has powerfully pulled all of us—parents, educators, communities—into the conversation about how our kids are using technology. Jamie, the 13-year-old at the center of the story, looks like your average kid.
I personally love low-cost Christmas gifts! These low-budget gifts put more onus on the person than the gift. To me, the key is selling the effort and thought you put into them. Here are 7 ideas, and I am going to include my ‘sell’ for each of them: The Share
Christmas is an expensive time of year. Our kids might have expectations of an abundance of gifts, but if budgets are tight, there is only so far they can stretch. One challenge we face as parents is how much kids compare what they receive for Christmas with their friends. While
This year, many families have been significantly impacted by the rising cost of living, leaving them feeling stretched. For some, the usual traditions of lavish meals, piles of gifts, and festive outings may no longer feel realistic or sustainable. But this doesn’t have to mean losing the joy and magic
I’ve been trying to describe the real weight of parenting. Is it the exhaustion that comes from keeping the school routine, or driving kids to sports and social activities all weekend? Is it dealing with snippy requests from a teenager who wants to live a grand life with your credit
Woolworths and other outlets have recently taken steps to lock up aerosol deodorants due to chroming concerns. The fact that supermarkets have done this probably means it is more prevalent that most parents are aware. So, with holidays looming it’s important we realise that good kids, can make some poor
Very sadly, loneliness is close to the top of challenges facing todays constantly plugged in, super connected kids. Headspaces’ 2002 National Youth Mental Health Survey reveals that the majority of young people aged between 12-25 feel either left out, isolated or lacking companionship. Over 60% identify themselves as lonely. Loneliness
567 tweens participated in my 2020 anonymous survey, and chose to answer the question: What is one thing you wished all adults knew about life as a tween? If your child was asked that question, how do you think they would answer? They might tell you that a 10 year
Yesterday, I spent time with a group of three mums whose tweens are in their first term of Year 6 – their final year of primary school. Many of their kid’s friends had received their own phones over the Christmas break, which had presented a whole new range of challenges
93.5% of parents I surveyed while writing TWEENS answered a big “YES” to being concerned about the upcoming teenage years. That’s a number you can’t ignore! One dad I interviewed joking said, ‘If this is any sign of what is to come, I’m moving out.’ Many parent’s expressed sentiments like, “If
If you are reducing the number of gifts under the tree this Christmas, you are not alone. Many families, either out of necessity or choice, are scaling back. Increased living costs and rising interest rates have us all thinking twice about where we put our dollar – and rightly so. In
My two sons are 24 and 21. They would both be disgusted if anyone were to suggest that sex was something to be done to someone, rather than with someone. Am I proud that they understand consent? Not overly. As a mother who desires to raise emotionally intelligent young men,
https://vimeo.com/724774005 Hi Michelle I hope you don’t mind me asking but my 10 year old has been feeling a bit defeated at school. He’s not sporty and no matter how hard he tries he doesn’t get the trophies or the medals which upsets him. I try to cheer him up
Over my 25-year career, I have never witnessed the level of pressure that I am seeing in schools right now. The lack of predictability and social cohesion experienced throughout the pandemic, placed on top of an overloaded curriculum, excessive testing and monitoring of teacher performance are reaching a boiling point.
Earlier this year Shannon noticed that the mental health of her 14-year-old son was deteriorating. He was no longer interested in catching up with his mates, hated schoolwork and seemed unusually disinterested in life. One afternoon he “snapped”, and through a flood of tears told his mother he wasn’t sure
If your tween is experiencing powerful tears or shattering disappointments after tricky friendship days, know that you are not alone.
As a teacher, seeing students love learning, and their learning environment is very important to me. I spent years working in alternative education settings with kids who disengaged from mainstream schooling. They often carried deep insecurities about being a failure or a misfit within a system. However, I have discovered
About 25 year ago I was an upper primary classroom teacher. I can remember being entrusted with the hearts and concerns of about sixty tweens when we went on school camp each year. One particular year we ended up returning from camp early because of endless rain. We organised a
A 10-year-old girl approached me after a puberty presentation at her school. “Does my dad know about periods?” she whispered. I nodded sympathetically as I saw the horror on her face. I meet so many young girls who believe that periods are a female secret that males are not privy
Young people typically cross my path when they are between 13 and 15 years old. They are quite often taking risks, pushing boundaries, and telling the adults in their lives that they know better. Their panic-stricken parents (some of the best parents I know panic a lot) usually explain the
We all want our children to experience healthy and happy intimate relationships, but few parents see the correlation between this end goal and the education they receive in primary school. In this blog I’d like to explore six research-based reasons WHY talking early and often is critical for children’s development.
This week has been brutal for Brisbane. We have lost 3 tweens/teens to suicide and 1 mother. In response, this is a special blog offering a range of resources to support parents across our nation (and beyond) who are living and working with tweens and teens who are struggling with
Warning: This blog post discusses youth suicide. This week has been brutal for Brisbane. We have lost 3 tweens/teens to suicide. I’ve been flooded with emails with people expressing grief and asking how they can be part of the solution. While I’m answering Brisbane based emails, I am actually working
Most parents tell me that puberty wasn’t a subject freely spoken about when they were young. It just arrived, and they were left to work out the details by themselves. Some share stories about their parents handing them an educational book with the instructions, “Come to me if you have
A mum came to my last night with questions about how to respond to her 11 year old daughter. Her daughter had begun standing in front of the mirror, “Look at my stomach. I think it’s bloated. I’m putting on weight.” Her mum responded, “You are skin and bone. You
I regularly teach sexual health in primary schools. Today, a 10 year old boy approached me after a lesson about puberty. He waited until everyone had left the room and then asked me a very direct, personal question. He was uncomplicated in his approach, like most tweens I know. He
Throughout history, girl’s relationship with boundaries has been fascinating. For centuries, women lived with harsh, unreasonable enforced boundaries that neither reflected their ability or potential. Women literally moved mountains to be able to vote, work outside of the home, lead and contribute equally. In many cases their greatest fight has
An unexpected shift in friendships. A sudden end to a romance. Poor results in an exam that was meant to be easy. A family breakdown
If you are a parent of a tween you may have grabble with WHEN to talk to your child about puberty, knowing that it could potentially be a daunting topic for them. Besides the obvious age pressure to get it done before it gets them to (lol), you might be
If you have a young one starting high school, you might relate to the term “nerve-cited”. It’s a word that expresses the feeling of being both nervous and excited at the same time. I personally remember feeling nerve-cited on my first day of high school. I couldn’t get through the
Everything we do in life has a WHY. WHY’s don’t just happen over night. They percolate like a good coffee! My latest books, A Girl’s Guide to Puberty and A Guy’s Guide to Puberty, are projects that have been in development for many, many years. They have been waiting patiently
I recently received an email from a Louise Madden, mum of Emily, which read: Our dear Em was invited to speak to representatives of the Premier’s Economic and Social Advisory Council in Hobart this week about the impact of Covid-19 on the lives of year 11 and 12 students. I
This blog was written for a very special 13-year-old, struggling to make a fresh start after having a fight with a friend. I hope it helps your girl understand that navigating friendships requires a gentle balance between boundaries, grace and self-awareness — and that we can get our needs met
I want you to imagine you have a backpack sitting in front of you. It has been in your family for generations, passed down from parent to child. This backpack holds all the characteristics and experiences that distinguish your family. It represents everything you inherited, both consciously and unconsciously. Some
I watched The Incredibles 2 last weekend. In a moment of honesty, Mr Incredible said to his teenage daughter Violet, “I’m used to knowing what the right thing to do is, but now I am not sure.” I smiled. You nailed it, Mr Incredible. This is every parent of a
I am often asked about how parents can stay connected to teenagers, when common interests are missing. There is no doubt that common interests easily set the foundation for connection. They provide a beautiful backdrop for meaningful conversations and an opportunity for memories to be built. But it’s very important
Self-care (keeping your sanity care) isn’t easy during demanding seasons, and parenting a tween or teen is definitely classed as a demanding season. I’d go as far as saying self-care is near impossible if we aren’t intentional about it. The more we deliberately care for our own needs, the easier
There is always a natural shifting of relationships during transitions. Coming back from regular school holidays, graduating to the next year level or a movement to another school or high school are all transitions that our children have experienced before. However, the transition back from lockdown will have some unique
I have never met a teenager more dedicated to the art of being thirteen than Julia, whose mum brought her to my counselling office. Julia looked at me straight in the eye and announced, “Don’t make me mad!” Then she sat down in MY office chair and totally ignored me,
I’m getting glimpses of a new rhythm pitter patting around the corridors of my home. Are you? The tempo has changed. The pitch has lowered by a few octaves. There is a repetitive, somewhat comforting pulse that is beginning to flow. I’ve been countingon us growing into this isolation thing.
Many tweens and teens are very, very sad at the moment. School term is now finished and it’s time for them to go home indefinitely, with no clear understanding of when they will see their friends again. Most know that they will be home-schooled next term. Others know that their
This week I have again gathered THE BEST resources for tweens and teens that I can find. I have chosen the following categories: General parenting during COVID-19 Purposeful conversations Things to entertainment Things to keep tweens and teens moving Connecting during isolation Child protection during this time (PROFESSIONALS PLEASE READ THIS
The feeling of packing your bags up and heading home is always bittersweet, especially if it wasn’t in the original plan. Sometimes we head home because we have failed, or the journey has become too tough. Sometimes we head home because we feel disillusioned or lost. Sometimes we head
Firstly, I want to send you a big virtual hug to families within Australia and overseas. My special thoughts go to those who are feeling overwhelmed, have lost their income or have family or friends whose health is fragile. I want to be as helpful as possible during this time.
Many years ago my two primary school aged sons and I witnessed a very public domestic violence incident at a local supermarket. A male and female were furiously fighting over who would take two young children home with them. All the commotion had attracted a huge crowd of people, many
You may (or may not) buy your tween or teen a Valentine’s Day gift to remind them that they are loved and cherished. Flowers, chocolates and dinner dates are all traditions that some families adopt in order to nurture the identify of their girls. Having a father or father
To the girl who is apprehensive about the new school year. I get it. I remember the knot in my stomach when school wasn’t the fun and exciting place it was promised to be. I remember the night before school started, wondering whether my friends would be happy to
When my own children hit their tween years, I erred on the side of caution. I said “no” a lot. No to hanging around the wrong crowd. No to underage drinking. No to the wild parties. In my role at work I was daily dealing with teenagers who were sexting,
November 2019, 12.30pm. My husband’s phone rang. It was the phone call that no parent wants to receive. My son and his mate had been involved in a major car accident on the highway nearby our house. Without too much discussion my husband pulled on his shoes and raced out
I’ve often found myself talking to my husband about our children like they were aliens from another planet, different from any other child on earth; and someone that no one in the world would understand, accept me. It’s very easy for parents to fool themselves into thinking that their children
According to the Cyber Bullying Research Centre 15% of 12 – 17 have been asked to send a nude, and 23% have received one. Like many issues, they are now making an appearance in primary school and we are faced with thinking about prevention and education at strikingly young ages.
Michelle when should I allow my daughter to have aphone and social media account? All her friends are on snap chat and Instagram, and she feels like she is missing out. We have talked about buying her a phone at Christmas before she goes to high school. She is 12
Today was a heavy-hearted day. I was invited to speak to a few hundred year 11 and 12’s about consent. After my presentation a student asked to speak with me, alone, in the school administration building. With door shut, and through floods of tears, she relived memories of being sexually
Today I spoke to a father who was concerned about his children, 9 and 12. They sounded like great kids who were highly connected to him; texting him about their day… and their disagreements. He was an all-in dad. They were so different, like all children are. He had given
Most studies suggest females participate in self-harm at higher rates than males. The Child and Adolescent Self-Harm in Europe CASE Study, which surveyed over 30 000 mainly fifteen and sixteen year old’s, suggests approximately 8% of females as opposed to 5% of males deliberately self-harm. The Self-harm and Suicide in
Do you struggle to give your eldest child the time they need? Do you find that the demands of younger siblings divide and conquer your time? If so, you will love this blog, based on a conversation I recently had with a mum. It started like this…. Me: Hey good to
Please note: For the purpose of this article I have referred to a counsellor as anyone who may be in a supportive role with a young person, including a social worker, doctor, psychologist or mentor. I know how difficult it can be to talk to a tween or teen about
I get asked questions about sibling rivalry almost every time I speak. Why? Well, it is probably because all of our children fight! Although it is a very normal part of growing up, it can often cross a line into damaging territory, especially for younger siblings. Part of our responsibility
I find that all parents have a different response to statistics about pornography exposure, depending on their current experience. Some parents will shed a tear because those numbers represent their child, others will nod furiously because they child’s friend has been exposed and others will simply go very quiet —
This topic is deeply personal to me. Why? Because resilience isn’t just a word to me. It’s something that I began to discover in Year 5 and have continued to learn about ever since. As you read my story I hope it reinforces that no matter where your child is
Grumpiness. It’s not overly harmful, just difficult to live with. That’s why every parent needs to be armed with a few tricks to break the cycle before it becomes a hurricane of tension. These ten tips are so effective that I am sure you will come back to them time
You may have heard people refer to resilience as the ‘bounce back’ factor which allows children to recover from trauma or hardship. Yet, cultivating resilience isn’t just about what children do in the difficult times. It is more about what they do in the moments leading up to a difficult
I don’t think that comparisons are always a bad thing. Comparisons can give us accurate perceptions about our strengths and weaknesses, and insights into our character. Natalie, learnt a tremendous amount through comparing herself to her friend. Let me explain by sharing this story. Natalie’s friend Isabella was chosen for
Have you ever sat at your child’s end of year graduation and hopefully waited for them to receive an award? You may have felt incredibly disappointed when they were over looked or left unacknowledged. As a society (and unfortunately often in schools too) we celebrate big accomplishments. We celebrate these
Self-harm is something that is very difficult for caring adults to comprehend. It is also difficult for young people to explain, which makes initial conversations very hard. That’s why any conversation about self-harm needs to be approached calmly and carefully. It’s a big (perhaps unrealistic) ask for parents to stay
Though-out the last few years technology has become an even more integral part of all our lives. For our teens, their online schooling, socialising and entertainment all very much revolve around tech. No wonder I am currently speaking to a lot of parents and educators who are concerned about “tech overloaded
There really is an anxiety epidemic impacting today’s young ones. Anxiety is the most common mental health issue they face, making up about half of all mental illness in our country. Interestingly, 7.7% of girls aged 12 – 17-year-old have a diagnosed anxiety disorder. Everywhere I go parents and teachers
When parents ask me how to handle a son who is aggressively pushing back against his dad, or a daughter who is screaming the house down determined to get her own way, I have two golden words of advice – SOFT and CLOSE. It goes against the innate instinct of
Given 963 million people go to bed hungry every night and 150 million children between the ages of under 14 years old are engaged in child labour worldwide we can safely say that our (Australian) teens’ lives aren’t comparatively that bad. “Try convincing my daughter of that!” one mum recently
Many years ago a mother dragged her daughter to my office. When I say dragged I mean literally dragged. Emily was far from happy about the experience. As her mother introduced herself and the situation, Emily busied herself by yawning, looking around the room and rolling her eyes. The more
Like many parents you have probably spent the last thirteen years deliberately investing into your child’s development. From the moment they entered the world, parenting became your priority. You may have taken time off work, existed without sleep, laboriously supervised homework and monitored piano practise. You may not have been
I caught up with a mum over coffee this afternoon. She shared with me this gem, which is a great example of letting children build their own life from the ground up. She said, ‘I don’t want the first decision my kids make (independently) to be whether they should get
It’s true. Some things are only understood once I was a parent. Having a child changed the way I assessed risk and made decisions. I noticed that I always drove more cautiously when my baby was in the car. I was more attentive to my own health issues. I even
“Our poor little girl is being called dumb. She’s becoming really anxious about going to school. It breaks my heart to see her change like this. I thought you might be able to help us?” I’ve received many, many messages similar to this one. In this case, a ten-year-old girl
When parents first find out that their child is self-harming they usually feel alone. They often come to the conclusion that their child must ‘weird’ or ‘extreme’ and possibly the only one who is struggling in this way. After all, it’s not something that many parents admit to dealing with
Research conducted by Mission Australia in 2011 shows that 60% of teenagers still choose to talk to their parents about the issues that matter to them. However, most parents I share this statistic with wish their teenager spoke to them more often. A report written by Dianne Mckard, PhD suggests
When you and I were young, it was unlikely we ever had to support a friend who was self-harming, simply because self-harm was not talked about as openly. Today, young people are highly educated when it comes to mental health, and with the accessibility to each other through technology, friends
I recently received this question from a mum who found herself in a dilemma after snooping: ‘I read my daughter’s journal a few days ago, and I found out that she was self-harming. I was SO SHOCKED!!! She has been using my nail scissors in the bathroom which always go
If you have discovered that your child is self-harming you will be feeling a range of emotions – angry, sadness, frustration, disappointment or even plain old numb! Each of these are a very normal and understandable part of grieving for a child who is struggling. This article is dedicated to
Here are two emails I recently received which share parents’ concerns about their daughter’s body image. Hello Michelle, Love your blog and have your book, thank you. I have an adorable 12 year old daughter and she is starting to have doubts about her appearance just as she leaves for
Knowing how to manage emotions and comfort ourselves when we are unhappy or distressed is a skill that can take a long time to learn. Even grown adults look for someone else to comfort and rescue them. Why? It takes self-perception to find strategies that truly work, because we are
I learnt so much about gratitude from my father, who, to this day, is the most optimistic person I know. When I was growing up he would bounce out of bed every morning, whistling at the top of his voice. He would make eggs for breakfast while saying, “What a
It is normal for pre-teens and teens to experience a rollercoaster ride of friendship highs and lows as they search for their place in the world. (Heck, can’t you remember the revolving pecking order in middle school!) But, the friendship experience is definitely more challenging for some than others. The
Question 1: What Expectations Should I Put in Place? Even though you can’t control what your teenager does when they are away from you (don’t you wish they came with a remote control?), there should be some clear guidelines of how you expect them to behave. Holding teens to
For many years I ran a successful charity that supported young people and their families for 20 years. During that time parents whose children seemed to be struggling would consistently ask me the same question – “What do I do? When do I let go and when do I step
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